Hello Internet Friends
I'm sure no one even checks this blog by now because I've been missing in action, but I figured what the heck, I'm gonna start writing again.
So I just paused this entry to see when the last time I wrote was, and where I was in my life... wow I have some catching up to do...
So when Him came home I met him at the airport. I had gone the rest of the week missing him, mainly because I was reminiscing about our relationship and realizing that it was completely over. I picked Him up at the airport and took him home. I looked around his apartment realizing that it was one of the last times I'd surely be there. I also let those feelings get away from me and I was aggressively sexual. It was hot and passionate and I didn't really care what he wanted, I took what I wanted. It was very explosive for both of us.
The next few days were filled with work and me going back and forth on how and when I would finally confront Him. And then Thursday, while I was at work, I called him and his tone was different. I realized immediately what would cause this to happen. Him being too busy to talk at work and be short with me meant he was upset and had nothing at all to do with being busy. But I played along because work was not the time or place.
That evening we had it out. He attacked me for hooking up with his ex's new boyfriend and I laid into him about the fact that he played me for a fool for the last year and a half and how nothing he said or did mattered to me. That I was done. There were a lot of things thrown at me and I just wasn't hearing it. And in reality I had closed that door emotionally months before (November I think). And when he realized those things were not hurting me he switched gears and attempted to reconcile through begging me to stay. Give him another change. He would do anything I wanted. Give me anything I wanted. That he loved me unlike anyone he had ever met. And I believe that. I think he loved me but I don't think he knows how to be in a healthy relationship (something that ended long before).
Part of me wondered if I was strong enough to finally stand up for myself and be single. Could I really be alone? Sleep alone every night? Give up my best friend? But then I thought about how hurt I was when I found out he sexually cheated on me and the promises he made. I thought about all the pain I had gone through in my separation to try and be completely happy and this is not something I went through it all for. And really, I must remember that my son needs to see healthy relationships and this wasn't one.
There's a quick recap of the end. The summer proved to have more drama with Him. I also had some great sexual experiences and this week a couple of my friends asked me to have a threesome in the near future. If there is interest I will expand on summer 2010.
