I wonder where to start...

I'm not sure if anyone will ever find this blog, or you find it will you be interested enough to come back... I just don't know. I think maybe I'm reading this as a theraphy of sorts for myself, and maybe, just maybe it will help someone else out there struggling to find themselves be successful in being true to themself.

I guess I'll start with the present state I'm in and work back a bit... and who knows I might jump around a lot, all in the attempt to share my personal story with hopefully someone who reads it.

It's the first day of 2009 and I am a single father. I'm single because last year I admitted to my wife that I was gay. GAY. It was a notion I never fathomed that I would ever say out loud or even really admit to myself. In fact I believed for years that I wasn't gay. Maybe I was bisexual. Or maybe everyone had these feelings. I don't know. Psychology and sociology were not my majors in university. My belief at this point, and I heard this from someone... so I'm not saying I made it up... but that sexuality is a spectrum and everyone fits in the middle somewhere. I had to admit I was farther to the gay end than I had ever tried to exhibit publicly.

So yeah... it's the first day of 2009. I'm almost seven months into my separation and have good days and bad days. I miss parts of my old life, but like the feeling of contentment that I never had when I was trying to be something I wasn't. I have moved back to my parent's home, got rid of the majority of my personal belongings in my move, and have had to deal with the roller coasters of feeling I personally had about my life and who I am, as well as the very volitile roller coaster of my ex-wife. I had to fight to maintin my rights to my child and the right to (50%) a shared parenting plan. And all the financial stuff is still not out of the way.

From the day I told my wife until today has been a life time of thought. I never thought I'd make it, but with great friends and family, and the right therapist, I am doing fine and know I'll be okay.

So to end for today... this blog is about my journey to become the man I've always been... and just maybe couldn't see or admit to myself. I will be happy. We will all be happy. Thanks for reading.