Cheated on.

I guess maybe I deserve to be in the place I'm in right now. I cheated on my wife with men, to discover my sexuality and developed a relationship in the process...that ultimately ended my marriage.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, or not, but I was cheated on by Him in January of this year. It was right after he broke up with his boyfriend of three years. It was shortly after they broke up and he was at his bf's place, and apparently one thing led to another... supposedly innocently.

Anyway... last night we got into a fight over a guy at a party making advances toward me. I declined them and he knew I did... but it was just the emotions he felt of someone advancing toward me. In that fight, I brought up this cheating thing, because honestly I can't get over it. I just can't.

In the fight different details came out... so I called him on it. He told me that they were just jerking off together in the ex-bf's bedroom...but previously he told me that the ex had pulled it out jerked off and that cum hit his (my bf's) face because his face was close... FUCKED UP!!

We fought and fought.

Today, I spent the day with my son and nephew (can I still call him that, if his parents hate me because of the divorce). It was a wonderful day that makes me proud to be called Dad. After which, I was supposed to meet Him and a friend for supper. On the way home I declined the invite and he asked why. I told him, I had a lot of thinking to do and wanted to be alone. He asked about what, and I told him. The conversation got pretty quiet. Once I got in the house I asked for some more details. He told me the first account was more accurate. That he was near the penis during orgasm and he ended up tasting cum. I asked him if he licked the ex-bf's penis and he did. HE DID!!!! FUCKED UP!!!!

I lost it. Almost hyper-ventilating while crying. He is on the phone apologizing, admitting it was a mistake but he wants only me... etc, etc. Nothing he could say would make me feel better in that moment.

I guess I deserve to feel what it's like to be cheated on. To quote my deceased father, "what goes around, comes around."

How do I get over this? Or should I want to?