I was on the treadmill tonight at the gym and on the tv in front of me was an entertainment show called The Insider. On that show was a debate over Jon Gosselin and his decision to halt production of Jon and Kate Plus 8. I ran while focused on the show and was thinking about the parallels between their separation and my own separation.
I have never been someone who has watched the show. I was aware it was on, and had caught clips and thought that Kate was a bitch, but didn't put more thought into it until the episode came out where they announced their separation. Like many people I was drawn in. But I wasn't drawn in for the train-wreck, so much as I was drawn in to watch the raw emotion of both the husband and wife on this show.
Strangely, I think the show actually gave me some insight on what my wife may have been thinking or feeling. And I was sad for them. It is hard enough to go through a separation and have your family and friends learn about it, but to have the whole western world know your business is hard to comprehend.
Then I thought about a movie called The Truman Show. How the whole world that Truman knows has been created and is orchestrated for his experience. And that is how I felt today on the treadmill. I felt like I'm watching this separation in order for me to see what not to do and to keep myself focused on being a good Dad and make sure that public (or in my case family and friends) prospective of me is always in the positive light.
There are definitely times, throughout my life, where I feel like my life happens to me and I don't truly have control. Even that day I told my wife I was gay, I don't know that I had control over my actions or my voice. I heard the words come from my mouth but don't know that my brain knew what it was doing.
Life is strange. Everything will be okay but right now it's a bumpy ride I don't know how to get off of.
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