Think it's time to re-group

So for over a year now I feel like I have been running non-stop. From bed to work. From work to his place or from work to get my son, back home and jam pack our time together. Then up early to run my son back to school, or the mother-in-law's to be babysat then back to work. And I threw in the gym. It's been non-stop.

That has left me neglecting, at times, my own housework, homework, my health and even to some degree my sanity. I have realized this point on a few occasions but felt like I had to keep up the marathon to get my life to some sort of point of contentment. But I am slowly realizing that I need to slow down.

Traffic congestion in this city may have something to do with it, paired with the change in my employement area in the city, that took place in the summer. Our city is under some major construction that requires I commute for the better part of an hour in the morning from his place to my place to start my day. A commute that should take 10-15 minutes. It is of course giving me an hour less sleep and putting me on edge to some degree.

Yesterday, it came to a bit of a head. There was no explosion and he has no idea where my thinking is right now, but I looked around my house yesterday and realized it has to change. I have always been someone who hated clutter and likes a clean kitchen. I got home yesterday from yoga and I had dirty dishes from Thursday sitting in the sink, iron and ironing board out from Thursday, beds unmade, laundry piled up, groceries not restocked. I think I was in my home for all of three hours all weekend. And my thought was I have my son tomorrow night and I don't want him to think his Dad's place is always a wreck.

I quickly did the dishes and tidied up a bit before showering and heading for supper at a friend's place. This morning I cleaned a bit more and told myself I would run home at lunch and throw some laundry in and make beds. So when we get home this evening it will be a liveable home.

I also need to talk to Him and tell him that I am going to start staying home more often. I need to focus on my course work and get more sleep. I know his reaction will be that he will want to have sleep-overs at my house, but I am going to have to veto that decision.

I have to veto it because I am realizing that he is more needy than normal also, which is unattractive to some degree. The more you push yourself on me the less I want it. It's one thing to snuggle and be close and it's another to smother me. I need a bit of breathing room and I think maybe we'll be able to get back on track (I have kind of frozen in time and am not letting any feelings progress in any direction). I am sure his reaction will be to jump to conclusions that I want out, but I really, at this point just need to re-group. Get my priorities in line. Get my home and mind organized and decluttered.