Being gay has help me learn to bite.

It's been over ten months and her anger seems more heated the last couple of weeks. I doubt it's just coincidence, I'm sure it has everything to do with my telling her I was taking a vacation, and that I wasn't going alone. Whatever the reason for her new level of hate I've had to perfect my biting skills.

I've never been one to pick a fight, but I've always been someone who defended myself. I can argue every point... it's a gift I inherited from my father. My ex-wife knows this every well; when I'm being attacked I can take it only so long before I blow up.

It's been a long ten months and very challenging. I've let her get to me on many occasions, just as I have gotten to her. But I have done very well at biting my tongue and keeping things to myself in certain instances, but surely there's been a time after biting my tongue that I get my point across or defend myself when it will be better received.

The last few days I have received emails where she's very short with me and asks pointed questions, and I can see she's (a) hurting and (b) trying to get me going. I've got enough strength to not give in this time.

I have drafted responses where I defend myself and push back... then I let them sit open on my desktop all day, or put them in my saved file to re-read when I have a clear mind. And then I've been good enough to go back and delete them. Focusing, instead on the pain that is being sent, and not the attack. I start the responses again and have a very calm approach, and re-read it to make sure it won't fuel the fire. I have even been leaving out points I want to make, so as to not perpetuate the negativity.

I've asked her to also attend counseling with me. To become better co-parents and support for our son and to heal ourselves. All three times I've been very serious about the request and I've been flatly told no. She says she doesn't want to be blamed for things to make me feel better.

I never thought I was ever going to be someone who could bite their tongue when I knew I wasn't completely wrong. But I realize it now. I don't need to be right and have other people see it. I guess it's been a character building exercise for me.