Don't want to cry

I am inching closer to contacting my therapist. It seems the last week has found me more emotional than I have been in a long time. I have been home sick for a few days, which may play a part. Being alone in a house gives you lots of time to think.

That paired with Hallowe'en, and therefore spending time with some of my ex-family members, and spending some time with the wife on Sunday at a sporting event, followed by lunch. Oh, and let's not forget that Christmas is around the corner and on my mind.

I have been fighting back tears. Even last night at the movie theatre, I was watching Law Abiding Citizen and found myself drawn into what I would do in that situation. Oh wait, she's not really my wife...

I also wore my ring on Friday, not realizing that I still had it on when I picked up my son. It's funny how you aren't aware it's on, and then BAM, you are talking to the ex-wife-to-be and you realize it's on and fear that the sun is glaring in her eye from the reflection of metal on your ring finger. She didn't say anything, so I assume it wasn't as obvious as I feared.

I don't want to cry. I don't want to slip into depression. But I am having a lot of trouble moving forward and not thinking I made the biggest mistake in my life... in giving up my marriage before my son was fully grown. I think I need a session to gain some insight into why I am feeling what I am feeling and have some tools to move forward.