Mid-week

So it's mid-week and we have talked a few times, very superficially. Nothing of value in deciding future. That is partly my doing, as I have indicated that I need time to think.

Tonight, I'm sitting at home, while he is out to a movie with a friend. He asked me to go, but I have another commitment, but asked if he could stop in to say hello afterwards. I agreed. I do really miss him, but not as much as I would have expected. In my head, I know we are probably just friends at this point, but after the roller coaster of life with my ex, I find it hard to think about turning it off, and potentially regretting it for the rest of my life.

If I end up maintaining the breakup I want Him to know it's not about me wanting to pursue other men, or sleep around, or anything. It's about me healing. I haven't had the time to get over my marriage. I haven't lived as a single man, in a bed alone at night. I haven't had those lonely nights of just me. And because of his actions with his ex, I have grown to some degree to resent him, which isn't healthy.

I'm trying to convince myself that this breakup could work and that we can get back together in the future when we're in a better place separately. I'm afraid to make a choice, because I don't want to fuck up, but the way things have felt for a while, have made me unhappy in the relationship.

I think at this point, it's all about delivery. If only I was an expert in communications.

If he tries tonight to talk, I am going to put him off. I can't do this tonight. Not that there is a perfect time, but I need to get through my work week. I can't have added emotion and side-track at work.