So the holidays were a whirlwind of events, just like most years. As the dust settles and decorations were taken down, I also found myself face-to-face in a conversation about the relationship I have/had with Him.
It was Saturday night and after a night of drinking the topic reared it’s ulgy head. It is a conversation I knew I had to have but didn’t think it was the right time, exactly. But when he was pushing me, I felt he deserved me to be honest. I shared with him that I allowed myself to be hurt more than I should have when I found out he was talking with his ex and that in sheltering my feelings I allowed us to only become friends. And I think that is the jest of it. I cannot figure out what else would be going on in my head because he is a “great catch” if there is one.
He was very upset about it and has refused to talk to me, saying only that we will meet to give back certain things that ended up at each other’s places. I understand his hurt because in his head (from what he told me) he was still seeing this perfect future for us. But I also know there was disappointment in his eyes when he wasn’t getting certain feelings back from me, because I was less invested, and he deserves better than that.
Part of me wants to run back, because maybe he is the one and I’m screwing myself over for some reason. But I have to stick to the ideas that (a) I don’t want to hurt him more than I have and (b) things happen for a reason and if we’re meant to be together then it will all come to play again.
For now, it’s time to rebuild. I am going to focus on my fitness and eating and shed the weight that has found its evil way onto my body. I have lots to keep me occupied with family and work commitments. I know I will be okay. We will all be okay, but I’m afraid I may have lost my best friend.
It was Saturday night and after a night of drinking the topic reared it’s ulgy head. It is a conversation I knew I had to have but didn’t think it was the right time, exactly. But when he was pushing me, I felt he deserved me to be honest. I shared with him that I allowed myself to be hurt more than I should have when I found out he was talking with his ex and that in sheltering my feelings I allowed us to only become friends. And I think that is the jest of it. I cannot figure out what else would be going on in my head because he is a “great catch” if there is one.
He was very upset about it and has refused to talk to me, saying only that we will meet to give back certain things that ended up at each other’s places. I understand his hurt because in his head (from what he told me) he was still seeing this perfect future for us. But I also know there was disappointment in his eyes when he wasn’t getting certain feelings back from me, because I was less invested, and he deserves better than that.
Part of me wants to run back, because maybe he is the one and I’m screwing myself over for some reason. But I have to stick to the ideas that (a) I don’t want to hurt him more than I have and (b) things happen for a reason and if we’re meant to be together then it will all come to play again.
For now, it’s time to rebuild. I am going to focus on my fitness and eating and shed the weight that has found its evil way onto my body. I have lots to keep me occupied with family and work commitments. I know I will be okay. We will all be okay, but I’m afraid I may have lost my best friend.
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