Missing Wedding Ring

I am realizing more and more how much I miss my wife and my life prior to being separated. I've started also realizing, on almost a daily basis, the I miss wearing my wedding band. I miss how it felt on my hand. I miss how I subconsciously played with it throughout the day.

I still have the ring. It sits in a tea cup on a shelf at my Mother's house. I'm not sure what most men do with their rings when they are separated, but mine will not leave my possession until my son is old enough.

It's something I have thought about and decided that I will give it to my son when he is old enough to want it. It still symbolizes the love I had and have for his mother. And that ring is the reason he is here, because we loved each other, and wanted to create a child to love.

When I had access to her facebook account, after the breakup, I read an email where she offered her engagement ring to a friend for purchase. She had taken it to be cleaned and inspected and was told by the jeweler that she'd never get the correct value for the ring by selling it privately. So my ex offered it to her friend to have re-sized, or to remove the diamond and create a new ring from it. She said, if someone was going to get a deal on it, it might as well be a friend.

I was a little shocked to learn that she was getting rid of her ring. I understand that she wouldn't want to wear it, and that she was confused as to how true my love had been. I never brought it up, because I wasn't supposed to have access to her facebook and more importantly, because maybe this was a part of her healing process she had to go through.

I was so excited when I purchased her ring. I hadn't told anyone. I saved money to buy it from my first real job. I had the diamond taken from a setting I didn't like and mounted on a ring setting I did like. One that was classic and would surely be loved by the receiver. At the time I was right.

I still want to wear my wedding band, and I'm sure she would like to wear her rings too. Tonight when I get home from work and picking up my son, I think I will slip the ring on, and feel it against my finger again.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night. I was in bed with Him and thought to myself... did I really do all this? am I really an openly gay man? am I really getting divorced. I felt incredible panic and wanted to run back to my wife. And now hours later I still feel the same way.