He chose to lie, and I don't care.

So last night as I was going to bed with Him there was the buzzing of a cell phone. The vibration of a received text message or missed phone call. I didn't figure it was my phone because I had it on silent, in case I got a call from my new friend... I didn't want any questions from Him about why I would be getting a call or text late at night.

It ended up being his phone and not mine. I ask him to clear it, so it stops the periodic buzzing, which would annoy me through the night. He does and when I ask who it was, which I never would have done before, but I'm kind of in the mindset now where I feel like I have a bit of the upper hand, he said it was a friend Michelle. A girl from back home who he had talked to before that day (at least he claims) and she called back and he avoided it. I trust him... and really don't care.

This morning, I get up, check my phone and see a missed call from my new friend and then hop in the shower. While I'm in the shower Him comes into the bathroom and confesses that it was his ex that had called and that he had lied because he didn't want to start anything last night, since we were having a good evening. I say okay... I don't completely contain my distaste. He holds his face into the shower for me to kiss... I do... and again I find I don't care.

I think I don't care, because I'm a stronger person when it comes to being in the relationship. I now know that I won't be alone forever, if he and I don't work out.

I think I also don't care, because I have this new friend, who calls me and flirts and I don't want to have to explain that to him.

But my having my phone silenced backfired on me. I got to work today and checked my facebook email to see that my new friend had called me because he had needed someone to talk to. He had had a bad weekend/week and was taking me up on an offer to call me anytime he needed someone. I failed! I because that hollow friend who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. I'm ashamed of myself. I was more afraid of questions from Him about why I'd be getting a call, then thinking that my new friend might need someone to talk to.

So I'm making a commitment to myself and my friend. I am not silencing my phone any more. If I get a call, I will tell Him who it is, if he asks. There is nothing wrong with being a friend and getting a call at any hour. I'm an adult man who makes my own decisions in life. I don't answer to Him. I needed to be a friend last night and I failed. I am ashamed.