Cut it like a gangrene foot.

So my friend D, who I've spoke of on here before, is one of those people who float in and out of your life and things never change. You can not see or hear from her for a year, then you get a text asking to meet for coffee. It's one of the easiest friendships I have. There none of the... you never call... just a hey, let's meet for coffee and catch up.

So I got one of those texts when I left yoga on Saturday. I replied making plans for Sunday evening. I would swing by her place, while her girlfriend was at work, and we'd head out for coffee and I'd give her a progress update.

I meet D at her house and find out that M is also coming for the coffee/talk. It's all good, but D first wants to know how things have progressed with Him. I explain that Him is now single, broke up with his boyfriend a few months ago and things had progressed to a point where we're essentially dating, but just not public. She asks me what the hell that means? And I find myself trying to defend that neither of us is ready for the ex-factor. We're not ready to have the ex's and the associated circles assume that we had been cheating the whole time.

I also found myself explaining things to D, about my concerns around Him and my son. The times where I have access and Him decides to make other plans, or seemingly avoid my place when I've got my boy for the night or weekend or whatever. Part of me understands that this is a great opportunity to visit other friends, and it not be a waste of our time, but then there are the nights where he barely wants to even talk on the phone. And I'm now at a point where I'm assertive enough to let Him know this arrangement isn't good enough. That my son will always be in my life. That there has to be an assimilation into my life. That avoiding that part of the week here and there isn't acceptable if it's to avoid my son. And D had very good advice... make my son my only priority. She even suggested that I didn't need that drama in my life... that I needed to make things calm for my boy and I cannot expose him to any of the feelings I might have about Him not being there. D is completely right.

Soon M shows up, we head out for a coffee and talk. Some of the conversation is about my ex, how she's doing. Some of the conversation is about how I look more like myself than ever. That when I had been married, I was high-strung. That it was obvious I wasn't feeling comfortable in my own skin. We all caught up on each other and headed home.

As I was leaving my lesbian friend behind, at home, she re-inforced her point that I need to focus on my son and cut the drama. She insisted that Him was only a rebound and it'll never be my lasting relationship. And I'm starting to wonder that myself. She told me to cut it... like a gangrene foot.