Want to runaway

So I'm having one of those days where I want to runaway... escape reality by packing up my shit and heading somewhere new.

I have had a lot of these days over the past year. Most were during the period where I had to fight with my ex or the in-laws to see my son, on the regular schedule we had been using since she moved out. It was a time where I felt so defeated, and if I wasn't going to win anyway, then why stay and fight. But I stayed and I won.

Right now my dis-content cannot be as directly linked to one specific thing. Sure I'd love to have my son in my house everyday, and I could check on him as he slept everynight... but I've kind of accepted that isn't reality. I think it's stemming from my career path. I'm not feeling fulfilled in my career, but the money is good, and the position has stability that I need. And maybe it's that I'm not feeling the most secure in the quasi-relationship that I'm in.

Last night, I was hanging out with a new friend and the one I'm in the quasi-relationship calls while I'm out and slips out that he's going to hang out with his ex-bf. I know that they've broken up, and I trust that he just wants to be friends... but I'm worried. There was a slip during the initial part of their break up and when I'm starting to hang out with a new friend I'm concerned it's could be a kind of payback out of worry. And I know the ex-bf still wants the one I'm with.

And to compound the problem... our relationship is underwraps at this point, to save other people's feelings, until we feel it's a reasonable amount of time after breakups for us to be dating.

Sorry for the rant, but other than my therapist no one knows the full story. I need to get it out... and hope that somewhere in Internetland...someone is understanding where I am and letting me know that this too will pass.

I want to be in a happy healthy relationship and have a career I am content with... when will that day come??