So I think the end of the relationship with Him is definitely in sight.
The last couple of months, I kind of feel like I have found myself again. Part of it, is probably the reality of being seperated from my wife for the better part of a year. Part of it, is probably having a fairly full relationship with Him, without his ex being too much in the picture. And part of it is probably me trying to work on myself through exercise and focusing on my son.
Today he is making a five hour drive home to visit his family. When he first talked about it, it was months ago, and I thought it was a great idea. Take an extended weekend and go home; makes sense. Within the last week he mentioned that he was thinking of posting something on facebook to see if anyone would want to travel with him... to split the gas and have conversation on the drive.
I immediately explain to him that I have no doubt that his ex will offer to go with him. I told him my concern that his ex would hope the drive home would remind him of what they had in common and rekindle some feelings. He said probably not, and that he wasn't interested in that in any way anyway.
The next day he mentions that the ex had expressed some interest. I'm sure that the whole conversation about him putting it on facebook was pre-facing a conversation about him going. The whole thing was probably put in place and the facebook was to put my mind at ease somehow. Well, I'm smarter than that, and it doesn't work that way.
It wasn't until last night, that he got a late phone call from his ex, that I asked it they were both going and he confirmed it. I ingest it and read my book. I play with the idea of leaving his place and going home to bed. Then he asks if I'm coming to bed and I bring it up. I tell him that I'm hurt that he would allow that to happen. That I had expressed my concern and that now it was happening.
It went back and forth. Both of us making some valid points.
I know that when they were breaking up, he had every intention of staying friends with his ex. It was important to him. But I've been cut out of that circle. I don't get invited out with them. I stopped getting emails from the ex.. the whole deal. Now, I'm not surprised. He'd be a huge fool to not suspect we were fooling around... but still.
I don't think I'm wrong here. I have tried taking his side and rationalizing it. I just don't know how I would ever justify it to myself that it is okay to take my ex-bf for a five hour drive, when my new bf clearly made the point that he was not comfortable with it.
I went to sleep last night, with him cuddled to my back, and me being disgusted that he knew he would hurt me by that action and still did it.
I don't want things to end, but I don't think I can let myself be put through this anymore. I am making myself stronger and to let someone walk over me is not something I'm okay with.
1 comment:
Thanks for continuing your blog. I just took time to read your April and May blog comments.
If I may be so bold as to comment on your situation with a "friend" who seems to be attracted to you but calls late at night compared to the checking up on you by "Him" and his confessing that his ex had called the night before issue.
Yes, it may be right to feel some guilt from not responding to your friend's call when you said to call anytime, etc. Perhaps, you may want to put boundaries on the very late night calls from your friend and when you will give support to him? That way you will not feel like a heel for not supporting your new friend when "Him" is there late at night?
Cheers,
artjock
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